other night I had this dream. A dream I will never forget. It was early in the morning. At first I had no idea where the
dream was taking place. I only knew it was long ago. The people
were strangely garbed. The buildings looked ancient. I heard
a commotion off in the distance and my focus was immediately drawn to a
courtyard where some people had gathered.
seemed very angry about something and as this dream unfolded I could see
a man in chains amidst all who were there. He looked very tired
and appeared as though He had been beaten. His head hung in
submission and He spoke not a word but much was being said by those
standing about. I realized then it was Jesus. The crowd was
very upset and they shouted, "Crucify him. He is a blasphemer. Kill
him." Just then, a man with a very familiar face stepped from
the crowd. He spoke and everyone listened. "This man
claims to be of God", he said, "He deserves to die, let
us crucify Him." All of this continued for what
seemed like the longest period of time. Then I saw the man with
the familiar face step out of the crowd again and he yelled something at
Jesus and at the same time, drew back and kicked Him.
awoke and lay there sweating, troubled by what I had just dreamed.
Lost in my thoughts I finally fell back to sleep and the dream
continued. By now they were going along a crowded, narrow, winding
way that seemed to be leading to an elevated area on the edge of town.
This crowd was every bit as angry, shouting taunts, screaming as Jesus
passed by. Jesus struggled under the burden of a heavy wooden
cross that He was being forced to bear and was unsteady on His feet.
He frequently stumbled and on one occasion He fell on the hard stones
paving the street. It was then that I saw the same man, that
familiar face, the one in the courtyard, step into the street. He
cursed Jesus, spat upon Him and then laughed mockingly to the cheers of
the crowd. Jesus struggled until He could carry the cross no more
and someone was pulled from the crowd to carry it for the rest of
the journey. I felt very uncomfortable watching this dream and
wished that I were not there. I did not want to see this
happening. It was then I awoke again.
was sweating profusely. I got up and went to the kitchen to get a
glass of water and then laid back down. I looked at the clock and
it was an hour before time to get up. I actually contemplated
getting up early for fear of going back to sleep and continuing this bad
dream. All I remember after those thoughts is becoming groggy and
drifting back to sleep. Yes, back into the same dream again.
By then I knew where the dream was taking place. It was
, the place of Jesus Crucifixion. In my dream I watched as they
slammed Jesus down on the rough hewn cross, his badly beaten body with
open lacerations from severe beatings scraped against the wood and I saw
Him wince in pain. A Roman Soldier came out with long nails and a
sledge preparing to drive them into the hands and feet of Jesus. I
heard steel on steel as he struck the hard spikes and my body sensed
the pain Jesus must be feeling. Why, I thought, why am I dreaming
this dream? I saw a man step from the crowd at the foot of
the cross and he spoke, "He claims to be from God, Ha, look at him
now, he cannot save himself. If you are of God, come down off the cross
and I will believe in you". The man turned and now I saw him
more clearly, I was horrified. It was the same man that kicked
Jesus in the courtyard. It was the same man that cursed,
laughed and spat on him as he fell under the weight of the cross.
now I was fighting this dream. I was in a state of awakening,
tossing and turning. I did not want to dream this dream any more.
As I wrestled with these thoughts my alarm went off. I was
thankful and relieved to be finished with the dream. I got up and
went into the bathroom, switched on the light and looked in the mirror.
More horrified now than ever, I realized the man with the familiar face
in the dream was me. I walked back to the bedroom, sat on the edge
of my bed and wept because I knew, in truth, I had a part in the
crucifixion of Jesus. I prayed, "God forgive me, I am so
sorry for all of this". It was then I recalled the words of
Jesus before His death on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for
they know not what they have done."
you Jesus, for your love, for your willingness to take my place on a
cross of shame, for your forgiveness.
March 20, 2005